I feel for those who are going into the exam this summer - whether the first time or *again* - because it is still unknown how the examiners will test the CA distinctions for evidence & civ pro. I know I was not the only one freaking out about a civ pro question in February. Thank goodness God heard my prayers and there was nothing about venue or class actions or personal jurisdiction on that exam!! BUT - I came across a blog a few days before the exam that listed out some of the differences and approached them in a much more easily digestible manner. The posts are hidden, so scroll down, but they can be found here on “Abe Gardner Wonders & Worries”

** Scroll down to Feb. 13. **

** I do have to say, though, that I cannot believe the people who commented on his blog each day after the exam… I, for one, forget absolutely everything I’ve written the second the proctor calls “time.” How these people remembered the cases from the PT’s, the facts of each essay… I will never know. I do remember general stuff, like the ultimate topics of the essays - torts, comm prop - but details? yeesh… too much adrenalin to be able to actively discuss anything….

Abe Gardner also has a great breakdown of bar study devices/books some of you may want to check out…

Last Friday, as we drove away from the city sounds livening up the local Peets, I took stock of my emotions.  Surprised, I turned to my sexy man, “You know, for the first time in - I don’t even know how long - I am not worried about anything.  And, I am happy.”   And, it was true.  And, that feeling stayed true all weekend and even into today.

I have not been the happiest, most content, most optimistic individual this last year.  For good reason, yes, but my fear is that it would extend beyond bar results and prove deeper than a pass or fail.  I am hopeful that this weekend was evidence that I may actually be returning to my former positive, adventurous self.

My sexy man and I drove up to the mountains just west of Mt. Shasta to a lovely part of the world known as the Shasta-Trinity National Forest.  After trekking long hours to get to back country roads, we passed a few had-to-be-meth-labs-because-why-else-in-God’s-great-name-would-you-live-this-far-from-civilization trailers, and found some old, narrow, switch-backing logging roads that we knew had to have great camping spots at the end.  We were right.  We found an incredible open site far far *far* away from the crowds at Yosemite, Tahoe, Shasta and any other potential Memorial Day weekend hot spot, and spent the entire weekend in soul-easing quiet and that all-encompassing peace only the mountains can offer.

I needed this.

And, still today, I feel at peace and hopeful for my future.  The only things that are truly making my heart ache right now are the horrible truths of China and Myanmar…  I can’t even begin to imagine the on-going devastation, fear, and hopelessness that is surrounding those people…  But, even these realities offer great perspective on my own fears and worries (she says selfishly).

I quit my job.  Next Wednesday is my last day.  It didn’t make sense for me to stay there any longer, even though I had that option.  Now, with J.D. and Esq in hand, I will set out to find something to do that perhaps can be meaningful and challenging and interesting and still pay decently.  Despite my loans coming due, my money running out, and no real job prospects yet, I feel strangely confident and excited about what might be around the next corner.  I expect to be inspired and cheered on by the new Indiana Jones movie my sexy man and I are headed to tonight, and I expect great adventures on Syzygy, who made her maiden voyage on the SF Bay just this last week.  And, I hope that this great feeling lasts until tomorrow 

“The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely, or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature, and God.  Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be… As long as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be.”   ~ Anne Frank

From my boss at various points throughout the 5months I’ve worked at the office:

“No one has done this job better than you have in just these past few months.”

“Why don’t you order yourself a name plate?”

“Take a look around and pick out an office… we’ll have to move you from the one you’re in now, but you should look at the ones down the hall and pick one with the view you want.”

“You and your boyfriend should plan to attend the [attorney-only] BBQ that is coming up.”

“You should consider signing up for the upcoming MCLE seminar…”

“You may want to think about going to [our sister office] so you can better develop your relationships with people there since you’ll be working with them in the future.”

“I’m in a position to hire three new attorneys.. one with experience and potentially two right out of law school… would you be interested?”

“If you are ok with staying on in your current situation until bar results come out, then I think I will stop looking for another [my position] until you know and decide what you want to do, just in case you think you want the job.”

And from approximately a week and a half ago -

“I just want you to know that there is a job for you in this office whether you pass or not.  I don’t want you to think you have to go looking elsewhere if this is where you want to work.”

But — my favorite?  This one from today,

“I can’t guarantee you a job here.  I may know more in about one or two months, but you should consider this a summer internship and we’ll just keep you doing what you’re doing [i.e. NOT attorney stuff] and you just let me know if you find something else or if you still are interested in working here.  What I’m trying to say is that you should be looking for other opportunities…”

I’ve seen that a few bloggers who got good news this weekend have already starting posting advice/examples of what courses they took, how they studied, etc. that helped them to pass. I don’t particularly feel that I have any great advice to give on how to study, but I do feel that I have been an exception to the bar-study rule from the outset. For people out there who think that there is only one way to do things (i.e. Barbri), I suppose my story might be of use.

For one, I didn’t take Barbri, at all - in fact, I didn’t take *any* study course the second time around (except a 1-day thing for the PT). I knew it wouldn’t be the right study method for me. I’m NOT a lecture person. I bought the PMBR CD’s, but thought they were utterly useless because they took up way too much time and the lecturers kept reminding me of how much there was to know and how I could never remember it all, etc, etc. and I didn’t need that. I did buy the PMBR books from Craigslist (for last July) and a friend gave me hers when I started studying again. So, I had two sets - 2006 & 2007. I thought that their MBE subject outlines were much better than Micromash’s or any of the Barbri outlines that I had come across from other friends’ materials. I looked into private tutors, but the two whose information I received were already booked up by that time. At this point, it was the beginning of January and I knew I needed to get serious. So - this is what I did.

1) I asked myself what went wrong the first time. The thing I determined is that I didn’t know the law well enough. I was not worried about writing the essays, because I am a good writer, but I didn’t do a good enough analysis of the questions and I didn’t know the law.

2) I printed out every exam question and model answer on the state bar website and read it. I underlined sections of law that were very well stated and incorporated them into my outlines. I pored over every essay to see how much in depth people went in their answers. I also made notes about how the essays were organized. From these notes, I created outlines for certain types of essays - equal protection con law essays, comm prop essays, conveyances, etc. as examples of how to approach them.

3) Since I didn’t know the law well enough, I tried to figure out ways to help me know it better. I tried writing and rewriting my outlines, but that took too long. I tried constant re-working of my outlines to get them shorter and more fine-tuned, in the hopes that going over them so much would help me. That didn’t really work. I finally caved in and started to make flashcards - putting my entire outline into flashcard-form. This was a HUGE step in the right direction for me.

4) I identified the areas of law that I absolutely could not memorize. I realized one day that I could remember words to songs I had heard once but, for some reason, could not remember points of law that I stared at for five -ten hours a day. That is when I came up with the idea of my black letter poetry. Putting the law into some sort of a rhyme helped me consider it in a different context and enabled me to put the law into true layman’s terms. Struggling to fit it into a poetry form meant I really had to dumb it down and get to the nitty gritty of it. This helped me think it out and the rhyming structure helped me to remember it. I think my favorite was the property one I came up with regarding the differences between easements, covenants, etc.

5) I spent last time worrying about the MBE’s. My problem the first time around on everything was that I didn’t know the law well enough. The first time around, though, I fell into thinking that I had to do 25-50 MBE’s everyday. This time, though, I stopped worrying about them until closer to the exam. I spent the majority of my time just studying and memorizing. I would go through some MBE’s occasionally, but I knew that I had to get the law down first otherwise I wouldn’t do very good on the MBE’s at all! So, I focused on the law during the week and then would do 30 MBE’s in one of the subjects I had just reviewed every couple of days. I also didn’t let me MBE scores define me. I used them, instead, to identify further what areas of law I needed more review on. Like evidence - I kept getting screwed on the character evidence issues. So, I knew that I needed to work more on that, but that I had the hearsay rule down, etc.

6) I did fewer practice essays. My first time around, I was trying to do several full practice essays a week. This time, though, I would study my outlines, and then outline 2 -3 practice essays in that subject. Eventually I got down to where I was going over 5-6 subjects a day (usually on weekends because I was working during the week) spending 2 hours on each subject - one hour reviewing my outline and then giving myself an hour to outline 2 essays. But, overall, I didn’t worry about writing full-out essays. I knew I could do that, but I used them, again, to identify what areas I needed further practice on. Once, I picked up a con law essay question from a previous exam, read it, and realized I had NO clue what they wanted me to write about or how to address it. That made me realize I needed to go back and read the model answer again, look at my sample outline, and consider that topic more…

7) I took a 1-day prep course for the performance exam offered by John Holtz. I think it was one day (maybe 2? I forget). Was it worth the money? Since I will never know what I scored on the PT’s, I can’t really say. For one, it does not need to be a whole day. Or two whole days. If he were more focused and didn’t josh around so much, you could get what you need in half a day and then go back home and work on implementing it in your study program. Additionally, the class I took was two Sundays before the Bar, and he actually gave us a piece of paper that listed all the things we should have done to prepare for studying and all the subject areas we should know. Are you *kidding*?!?! A week before the Bar and you have the audacity to tell us where we should be at in our studying? That alone made me want to get up and leave. I have to say, though, that his method of organizing for the PT’s was quite helpful and although not all PT’s fit nicely into his method, it was useful (sorry - we’re not supposed to disclose his approach).

8.) I got lucky. As mentioned in the previous post, I would have been screwed if they had asked for contracts or civ pro. I just hadn’t spent as much time on those areas and though I probably could have written some sort of answer, it wouldn’t have been nearly as strong as those I was able to spit out this time. Everyone has their own strengths and no one can be 100% solid on all thirteen (??) subjects. It just isn’t possible. And with the additional stress of waiting to see what sorts of California distinctions they are looking for in bus ass, evidence & civ pro, you cannot be prepared for everything. I just happened to luck out and be prepared for the questions they asked and the subjects they tested.

Some people take every class out there, hire a private tutor, buy lots of books, etc. I couldn’t afford to that and I didn’t think it would help me. Yes the exam is full of tricks, but the most important thing for me was to know and understand the law and its application. So that is what I focused on. I studied by myself. I met someone at the library once to see if the study partner thing would work, but she was a total spaz and I couldn’t concentrate for more than 5 minutes with her. So, I worked full-time, went for an hour run after work, then went to the library for 4-5 hours each night, with longer days on the weekends. and I cried - a lot. But, this is what I learned.

So, the moral of the story for me was figure out what I needed to do better and do it. I didn’t follow the crowd, I didn’t take long prep courses, I didn’t study with anyone else. In the end, I really did get lucky on the Exam, but I do believe that, along the way, I must have done something right. There are lots of people out there who took courses, read books, etc. and that worked for them. The thing I hear from all the people I’ve talked to is that there is no “right” way to prepare for the exam. You have to know how you learn and study best, and you have to follow the method that is right for YOU. I’m able to say that my method was right for me because I passed. But, had I not passed, I honestly don’t know what I would have done differently the next time around. I just don’t want others like me - who don’t want to take Barbri & don’t want to spend a lot of money - to feel like they have to. Because there are other ways to achieve your goal.

I’m not going to say I didn’t try, didn’t study hard, didn’t work my butt off to earn a passing result, but, I was lucky.  If the examiners had decided to test, instead, on certain areas of property law, civ pro, contracts, or remedies, these results could have been different.  I know some people said they kind of brushed off community property because it had already been tested on July and so many times before.  Others neglected torts because it was tested in July.  And then there was me, who didn’t have a great approach to some of the more complicated subjects, and felt like community property and wills/trusts was the shortest outline and the easiest to memorize, and I lucked out on Day 3.

When I left the testing area that last day of February, I felt like God had done everything possible to put me in a position to pass.  Which, is one of the reasons why - if I had failed again - I couldn’t bear the thought of going for a third round.  I felt that, if I couldn’t pass this time, with these questions being dropped in my lap, how could I *ever* pass???  I was lucky.

I am so disheartened to see that many of my fellow bloggers weren’t so lucky.  I looked at the cal bar site today and saw that only 39% of the Feb takers passed.  THIRTY-NINE PERCENT.  What is wrong with these examiners?!?!?!  I hate it because I know that the majority of the remaining 61% would be competent, fantastic lawyers if only for this f*ing exam.  My own joy is somewhat tempered by knowing that this moment - of all moments - is one that we cannot share.  We have built a little online community that has provided support, encouragement, and a sense of camaraderie through some very dark days.  We struggled together to come to terms with our initial failures, and rallied on through those three exhausting days again.  And now - when we all should be celebrating, lines have been drawn.   I cannot now say that “I know how you feel.”  To not pass once is one thing, but to go through that again is a completely different monster.  I am glad to see that some of you have already signed up for July - that takes a strength and perseverance that I’m not sure I would have.  I hope so much that, next time, the cards fall *your* way and that, come November, we can celebrate your success.

“The name above appears on the pass list for the February 2008 California Bar Examination.”

There are times in life where a decision is made, words are said, and it is not until days, a year, or ten years later that you can look back and realize that *that* day was a defining moment in your world.  May 16, 6pm, is a defining moment for so many of us.   For me, it will likely decide whether I will ever practice law in California.  It will decide whether I stay in the legal field or pursue another career.   It feels strange to stand on the brink of such a major change in my life, knowing that this is a defining moment.   (Heck, it’s already defined my life for the last 6 months!)

I hope with all that I am that we can all be celebrating this moment for a long time to come….

To all those who have struggled through this - mind, body and soul - I wish you the very very best of luck tonight and please leave a comment to let me know whether you’re still here tomorrow

THIS IS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just checked the grand poobah’s blog and WE ARE DOWN TO *HOURS*

May God save us and give us good results.

More times than I can count this week, I have really really really really really wanted to yank the little white earphones out of the ears of those people who appear to be completely ignorant of the fact that everyone around them for at least 2 train cars down can hear every note that comes out their teeny tiny IPOD.   If Apple can figure out how to put all that memory into an inch by 3inches piece of plastic/metal, can’t they figure out how to make earphones that actually work?!?!?!

Sometimes I look around me at all the people who are plugged into their IPODs 24/7 (i.e. the secretaries at work) and wonder if they even remember what it is like to listen to the real world.  I know that’s why they zone out to their tunes - to escape the real world - but it seems to me that it’s a phenomenon that only increases the sense of loneliness and disconnect with others that pervades our generation and those below us.  Listening to your IPOD or other MP3 player inherently gives the effect of “don’t talk to me.”  Which can be nice sometimes, but it just astounds me how people I work with can listen to their IPOD all day , not even relinquishing it long enough to go to the bathroom unplugged.

Anyway, my pet peeve of the week has been those little white earphones that usually come with your Apple product (I have a pair I don’t use for stated reason) that contain about 1% of the sound to your ear, while the rest of it gets blared into the ears of others - especially on an otherwise silent, rush-hour commuter train.   Are people just not aware that their earphones suck?!

In other news, my boss asked me today when and how we get our bar results, and if I could leave him a voicemail message on his cell after I find out…  for some reason I really hated that he asked that, but I guess he will have to find out eventually, one way or another.

If San Francisco could be any more perfect than it was today, I’d think for sure I’d died and gone to Heaven.  Today was exquisite.  It was so gorgeous this morning, I knew I had to be outside for lunch. I walked a quick block and a half to the Embarcadero and seated myself on a bench which I, unfortunately, had to leave 45mins later, but with sunkissed skin and a delicious trickle of perspiration on my back.  Glorious.

And tonight… No words could do justice to the amazing sunset we had tonight.  I found a perfect spot around the corner from our building, where the rustic wooden walkway opens up to a view of the marina and the north-east part of the Bay.  There is a little restaurant just off to the left of the walkway that conveniently blocks the Bay Bridge, the GG Bridge and all of San Francisco from view.  I stood there for ten minutes to absorb the wonders of the sky - the orange, purple and blue hues swirling to create opalescent ribbons, the water lapping the shore - pink with sunset, the bright gold of the dying sun fanning out from behind Mt. Tam…  You would never know that you were in the Bay Area.  It felt like I was at an exotic resort far far from here…

When the sun grew lower, I walked around the corner back to our building’s entrance and was taken aback by the dramatic sight of the Bay Bridge twinkling against a cloudy, purple backdrop with The City all in shadow.   It was as though God was giving me a few moments to remember how good life is, to appreciate the beauty in my own backyard, and to feel - for the first time in days - complete, unadulterated, pure contentment and peace.  And, as if my heart wasn’t feeling full enough, a silly man walked by, rocking out to his ipod, obviously tone-deaf, singing “Roseannnaa” out loud.

What a wonderful wonderful day.