My friend J is being considered for a position with a pretty big well-known company for which J would be paid to travel around California, Nevada and Hawaii on a weekly basis, planning and participating in various outdoor activities (think rock-climbing, bouldering, kayaking, skiing, rafting, sailing, etc) and blogging about them. I know he hasn’t actually been hired yet, but I can barely contain my jealousy.  Perhaps I should have spent the last three years at adventure camp instead…

Some days I am so hopeful and optimistic and eager about the practice of law that it shocks me.  I feel like I can do anything and am truly on the brink of saving the world with my legal skillz.  Of course, it’s easy to feel that way when I’m sitting on my couch, reading law blogs, and not actually doing *anything* of value.  But, on those days, I feel so encouraged by some unknown source of positive energy, that I wish I could harness that enthusiasm and confidence and bottle it up for days like today when the need and desire to be drunk on *something* is dangerously overwhelming.

Today, I am again full of doubt and pessimism that anyone is ever going to offer me a job or that I’m ever going to make more than $15/hr.  My friend S just got a job after NINE months of searching.  Granted, she wasn’t licensed until this June, like me, but still… she did “information interviews” regularly for NINE MONTHS and just now got hired by a firm she had contacted.  Nine months.  I don’t want to be an attorney so badly that I will be ok being unemployed for anywhere near that long.  I’ve applied for doc reviews and can’t even get hired for those!! It’s really annoying to me because there is one agency that has been seeking attorneys for doc reviews “entry level attorneys encouraged to apply!” for at least three weeks now and yet they haven’t hired ME - who is more than willing and able to do that boring work.  All of the agencies now make a big deal of needing to have experience with “electronic doc reviews.”  I asked my friend, who has done several, what the big deal is with the electronic part.  He tells me that it’s all online and with every document you have to select the “relevant” “not relevant” check-box. He tells me it’s not complicated at all and pretty much anyone with half a brain and a set of eyes can do it.  WOW.  That must be, like, at least ten times harder than taking the LSAT and graduating law school.

I’m really not that keen on becoming a doc reviewer or having that on my resume.  I’ve read some horror stories online about teams having to sign in/out even when they go to the bathroom.  Ridiculous.  I would just hope that perhaps I could con the supervising associate or partner into giving me a more formal interview, or at least giving me a decent salary for a few months.  Money would be nice right now.  But, I certainly don’t want to fall into that category of people who *only* do doc reviews.  No offense, but I am looking for something that might be a little bit more challenging than that and I would really like to do research and writing at some point in my legal career.

I have been thinking a lot more about the freelance thing and, while it makes me nauseous to think of how difficult it is going to be to get started and how the cards are very much stacked against me, I think I’m going to try it.  If it doesn’t work, oh well.  I’m not going to invest any money into it at the beginning - certainly not like hanging out a shingle or anything!!  Just a website, maybe a few letters/emails/posts/ads, etc.  And we’ll see if anything happens to turn up.  Thankfully, my sexy man remains unbelievably encouraging and supportive and I am in a position where I don’t *need* to make the freelance thing work.  I can just sort of treat it as an experiment.  BUT - if any of you out there (Sweatpants?!?!?!) need someone to help you/your firm out with some legal research - for a small fee - let me know

Two years ago yesterday I met my sexy man. What a fun, crazy, wild ride it has been since then!! Tonight we will be partying on the boat, out on the Bay, hopefully under a beautiful, clear sky (though, I’m doubtful since it is SF) and watching the fireworks together - again.

Happy 90th Birthday to my grandpa (!) and Happy 4th to all! 

We need an America with the wisdom of experience.  But we must not let America grow old in spirit.  ~Hubert H. Humphrey

I’ve been applying for jobs and - dare I say it - it’s actually sort of fun.  I find a job that sounds interesting, that I am usually totally unqualified for, draft a brief cover letter, attach my resume and hit send.  It’s almost become a game… what jobs can I apply for today that are way out of my league???  I’m just hoping that a resume will somehow get stuck in the hiring partner’s hand and something will come through. In the meantime, I am also exploring the idea of being a freelance attorney and offering my services to solos and small - medium sized firms.  Don’t know how that would work yet, but I’m looking into it :)    At least I am finally learning to enjoy my time off and to not feel guilty for being unemployed!

So, I’ve been reading up on the various bar associations, looking for things to do, and one thing I keep noticing is how being an attorney involves so many labels.  It seems like you stop being an individual and become known simply by your bar number or where you work.  It’s strange to me that in all the bar association photos, people are identified as, “John Smith of Smith & Smith LLP,” or “Mary Brown of Ted, Ted & Ted,” etc.  It starts in law school, I think, where on the first day, the two questions asked are “what’s your name?” and “where did you go to school?”  From then on, you become So & So from ____.  I became “K from California,” (since no one had ever heard of my school) though there weren’t really any other K’s in our class, so that was nice.  My roommate was R from Ohio State; friends were W from Yale, A from Cornell, etc.  At least until we all got to know each other well enough that such academic and geographic distinctions were meaningless.

I think existing in the legal field can make a person extremely self-conscious about their various labels.  Already I am feeling self-conscious about my law school and where I went to undergrad.  I never *planned* to be a lawyer and certainly didn’t position myself in that direction when I considered where to go to college.  I went to a fairly no-name local university that could never be accused of being prestigious or selective.  It’s not particularly well-known for much, certainly not academics, and doesn’t ring any bells when I say the name.   Here in SF, my law school, similarly, is not well-known.  Granted, my school is a great school and has an excellent reputation, but it is more largely viewed as an “East Coast school” and only a handful of people here recognize the name.  So, when I talk to attorneys about where I went to school, I get wrinkled foreheads or blank stares as they are not quite sure how to respond since they can’t relate to my “labels” at all.  For, it seems that - at least in SF - those in the legal profession come from big-name or local schools who everyone has heard of.

Then, of course, there is the firm or corporation or government agency you work for.  Whatever business you are associated with seems to say something about who you are.  To some, if you work for mega-firm LLP, they assume you are top 10%, law review, brilliant… To me, I assume you’re crazy and like to work long hard hours for a lot of money you’ll likely not be able to enjoy for a long time.  But, your choice of where to work does seem to identify you as a certain type of person.

I HATE this.  I agree that labels are “necessary” as they help us make sense of the world and differentiate between people and make connections with others, but it seems so superficial and trite to care so much about them.  And I hate that one day I will be known as K of such & such law firm.  I see this, too, in other professions, but not all of them.  There are other jobs where the person (to me) seems to be much more separate from what they do.

The thing I am most afraid of is buying into this labeling scheme myself.  I was listening to a podcast yesterday and the speaker was talking about how we identify ourselves with external things because we somehow believe they contribute additional value to who we are.  He mentioned the two-year old who learns “*my* toy” then screams when it is taken away, because it’s as though he is losing something that had become a part of him.

I don’t want to cling to labels like that. I don’t want to buy into the idea that I am defined by or made more “valuable” because of where I went to school, the grades I got, the job I have, or that anyone else is!  And it is a struggle to not buy into it because those things are so valued in this profession.  The choices I made, and their consequences, may reflect my circumstances in life or certain personality attributes, but they do not define who I was *then* or who I am *now.*  I need to remember that…

One of my best friends called me on Monday and, before I could even say Hello, explained, “I just read a book that has changed my life. I need you to read it so we can talk about it. It’s called Three Cups of Tea.” Since I trust and love this friend completely, fifteen minutes later I had the book in hand.

The heart of the story is that a mountaineer, Greg Mortenson - gets lost in middle-of-nowhere Pakistan after attempting to climb a famous 26,000+ft peak. He wanders into a village and before he leaves, he promises the village chief that he will return to build a school for the children. This was back in 1993. He not only built the village a school, but he also built them a bridge, a women’s center, and built over 50 other schools in Pakistan and Afghanistan, and also provides scholarships to children who are seeking higher education.

Reading this book was a wonderful follow-up to my inspiration from Oprah’s graduation speech. When Mortenson returned from Pakistan the first time, he was living out of his car and working three days a week as a nurse. But - building this school became his dream. With no money of his own, he wrote almost 600 letters to potential benefactors. He happened upon one Bay Area mountaineer-turned-billionaire who took on his cause and left Mortenson one million dollars with which to start a foundation - the Central Asia Institute. It was this money that allowed Mortenson to build the schools, build the relationships, build the bridges, and start changing lives in Pakistan and Afghanistan.

Someone in the book made a comment to the effect of, “When you stop and ask yourself how much can one person really change the world, think about this man.” Along the same lines as Oprah’s speech - here is someone who found his calling in life and followed it wholeheartedly; someone who was presented with an opportunity to help others and took it; someone who figured out what he wanted to do and made it happen.

Reading this book, I can’t help but feel that I, too, should do something. I don’t necessarily think that building schools in Afghanistan is *my* calling, but I know that there are so many ways to make a difference and offer back some of the gifts we’ve received. I admit that, when it comes to community service, I am a commitment-phobe. I’m afraid of over-committing myself to a cause that I’m only fleetingly passionate about, or failing to commit myself in a “significant enough” way. I find myself conflicted because I do believe that the little things count - even serving for one day out of your whole life will still benefit the world more than not serving at all - yet, I can hardly bring myself to commit to even that.

I also recently read an article about what might happen in life if we started saying “Yes” to more opportunities. While one should definitely say no if they already find themselves over-committed and frantic with a chaotic schedule, there can be great rewards to those nay-sayers who choose, for once, to say yes. It made me think about how I live my life and whether there are things out there that I should start saying YES to. Mortenson easily could have left the village without making a promise - he had no steady job, no money, no prospect of money, and no way of knowing how it would ever work or how long it might take. But he saw an opportunity and said yes. Saying yes, it seems, is the first step in making a difference.

Is there anything you (and I) could say YES to this week?

Tomorrow is my first attempt at doing something “lawyerly” as an official attorney at law.  I am going to attend a training for eviction proceedings so that - just maybe - one day I can represent someone and prevent them from getting kicked out of their house.  The representation is only a one-day event unless the matter goes to trial at which point you can either take the case or the individual can proceed in pro per.  It’s one of those pro bono things that you have to love as a new attorney - good experience, some practical knowledge, yet very little actual time commitment.  Because, you never know when you just might get that perfect job that will require you to give up everything in your life, including those pro bono opps you so desperately want to take on.

I saw an article today that Oprah was the guest speaker at Stanford’s graduation.  Lucky them.  Something she said, though, struck me - “And how do you know when you’re doing something right? How do you know that? It feels so. What I know now is that feelings are really your GPS system for life. When you’re supposed to do something or not supposed to do something, your emotional guidance system lets you know. The trick is to learn to check your ego at the door and start checking your gut instead. Every right decision I’ve made—every right decision I’ve ever made—has come from my gut. And every wrong decision I’ve ever made was a result of me not listening to the greater voice of myself.

If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. That’s the lesson. And that lesson alone will save you, my friends, a lot of grief. Even doubt means don’t. This is what I’ve learned. There are many times when you don’t know what to do. When you don’t know what to do, get still, get very still, until you do know what to do.”

But, how hard is *that*!?!?!  I believe, with all my heart, that she is right.  It’s true for me, too - every “right” decision I’ve ever made has come from my gut; something inside of me recognized the act, the opportunity, the moment, as being something good for me, something that made me more me.  But, of course, it’s never easy to always follow your intuition or your instincts, and it’s certainly easier to follow it in some areas of life than others.   I would like to live that way, though.  I would like to live that in tune with myself and my internal “GPS system” that I could be committed to just doing those things my soul seems to agree with.  I’m sure that Oprah has her own pressures to deal with, but is it truly realistic for the rest of us to live this way?  I know that sometimes you have to sacrifice (a lot) in the beginning to finally get to that place where you are enjoying life and able to sustain your family and other obligations.  But what to do with those obligations in the meantime?!?!  One thing I really do admire about Oprah’s success story, though, is that she didn’t seem to have a plan.  She didn’t always know that she wanted her own talk show, it just sort of happened to her and it felt right.  This inspires me because, right now, I don’t have a plan either.  I don’t really know what area of law I want to practice, or if I even want a “traditional” practice at all. I don’t know where to apply or what jobs to apply for, I don’t know where I want to be in my career five years, one year or even 6 months from now (or for that matter, tomorrow!).

When talking to a friend the other day, I told her I quit my job and explained why I had left.  She admonished me, saying, “I don’t really understand why you quit… Um, in the future, you really shouldn’t quit your job just because you don’t like it.  I mean, probably 99.5% of people in the world don’t like their job at some time or another…”  So, I should stay in a job I don’t like simply because no one else likes their job either?!?!  I know that wasn’t exactly what she meant, but how sad that that is the general mind set - it doesn’t matter if you are happy or fulfilled or enjoying what you spend 85% of your life doing, what’s important is that you’re doing *something.*  I don’t want to live like that… I’m becoming more and more grateful for this opportunity I’ve been given to take the time to actually think about what I DO want out of life and to look deeper into myself so that, if the “right” opportunity should come along, I will be able to recognize that tiny flutter of familiarity, the inaudible beeping of my internal GPS, that tells me I’ve found a “home.”

I was sworn into the California State Bar, District Ct of Northern CA and the Court of Appeals on Monday morning. I cried when I said the first oath (of three). I just couldn’t believe that I had made it to this point in life. Even five years ago, I never would have imagined being in this place. I never dreamed of being an attorney, I even once said, “Heck no! I would never ever want to be a lawyer!!” So, to be *here* still amazes and surprises me. I know that it was sort of the obvious outcome for someone who eventually chose to go to law school and take the bar, but it was as though I hadn’t thought this far ahead, hadn’t thought about what it would mean to actually be an attorney. Being “successful” has never really crossed my mind. Growing up, I did not have a particular profession in mind, was not driven towards career goals, and didn’t spend much time thinking about obtaining any professional status. So to now be counted among such a group of powerful, respected and prestigious individuals… I still can’t believe it.

My tears at the ceremony didn’t last long though as they hit us with the reality that membership into anything costs money and they began a litany of all the “dues” we’re expected to pay in the upcoming months. They, of course, try to soften the blow by reminding us of all the good we can do for the community by serving with pro bono projects. Ah… yes - give us give us money, but please work for free!!!

I’m checking out all the pro bono opps, though, because I need some networking help, and experience, and real working knowledge in something. The job search is incredibly depressing, but thinking of all the MCLE credits I can shore up in this next month in my free time, is taking some of the edge off. I have to admit that it was kind of exciting to look through all the materials and see all the things that I could now do just because I am admitted. It really is like a thousand doors opening for you all at once. Of course - none of them pay anything, but one thing at a time, I guess.

During the ceremony, I was totally sucked in by the constant reminders of the responsibility that we have as attorneys and the power to serve that has been bestowed upon us. I walked out of there with one main thought - I don’t want to be just another corporate attorney… *no offense to corporate lawyers!* I want to do something more meaningful and practical with my degree and license, even if it is just trying to fit in as much pro bono work as I can. Then again, I went home and immediately sent off resumes to two large corporate firms. Unfortunately, the legal world has yet to fully comprehend that doing good does not pay the bills.

as requested….

Motions

In CA, there is a demurrer, it’s a failure to state a claim
If you assume everything P says is true, can P still win the game?

A motion for summary judgment says no genuine fact is in dispute,
And he’s entitled to judgment as a matter of law, even if P’s claims are viewed as truth.

Motions for judgment on the pleadings must be decided on the pleadings alone
It comes before an MSJ, before the pleadings close.

Then there’s a directed verdict, a JMOL by the court
Ask in the middle and end of trial, it will cut the jury verdict short.

There’s a motion for a new trial, if prejudicial error or misconduct,
If the evidence outweighs the verdict, or new evidence is brought up.

Joinder

It’s proper to join a party if the T & O’s the same
And if there’s a common question that the parties all embrace.

A party’s considered necessary if without him there’s no award,
Or if his interests could be harmed or will expose the defendant more.

If the necessary party is unfeasible to add,
The court can proceed without him or dismiss the case at hand.

When the court dismisses, the party’s “indispensable”
But the court might not dismiss at all if another forum’s available.

The court might also keep the case if prejudice can be deterred
Unless it is too likely that the parties will be hurt.

To join an unrelated claim, there must be SMJ
Because supplemental only applies if the T & O’s the same.

I feel like the whole process of becoming an attorney is like fighting an uphill battle - just when you think you’ve gained some ground, there is another challenge to shove you back a few feet.  Granted, graduating law school and passing the bar significantly boosted me up the mountain, but now, the challenges continue.  After getting my bar results and learning there was no job for me at my current position, I gave my notice and yesterday was my last day.  I cannot tell you how relieved I am to be out of that place!  My boss did me a favor by taking all of those potential options away…  It feels strange to say that, with no job and no money, I feel at peace and ok with life, but it’s true.   However, that doesn’t change the fact that I need another job.  I feel a little overwhelmed already, but thank God my sexy man is so amazing and supportive.  He just came home and reminded me how little time we have away from working and how I should try to enjoy this time as much as I can while still doing my due diligence on the job front.   He specifically told me to *not feel guilty* if I’m not job hunting 8hrs/day.  Hearing him say that makes me feel better and I know he’s right.  I am going to try to enjoy being jobless because I know that life could change anytime and “free time” could become a thing of the past all too soon……