Hi. Wow. WordPress has really updated and changed their site in the few weeks that I’ve been off the site…
I hope everyone is still hanging in there. Another month. It feels like an eternity – our lives hanging in the balance. I cannot stop thinking about May 16 even though it is not necessarily in the context of “did I pass?!?” I just want to KNOW so I can move on with my life.
This past weekend I went to my 1yr class reunion for law school. It wasn’t an official reunion for us, but so many of my close friends were going to be there, I couldn’t bear the thought of them going to all the familiar places without me. So, I sucked it up and spent $400 to fly back “home” for the weekend. This time two weeks ago, I was really wishing I hadn’t bought the ticket. I had a major breakdown in Barnes & Noble. Thank goodness my sexy man had got us a table tucked off in the corner otherwise it could have been very awkward for those around us. Under the stress of my job and waiting and not knowing where my life would end up and worrying about finances, etc., I broke. It was the first time that I have *sobbed* in a long time. But, there I was, in B&N, shaking and crying for – what other people could see – no particular reason. But, man, I felt so much better afterwards!!
So, in that moment, I did not want to be around my friends who were in their $160k lawyer jobs, with no concern about money, or what they were going to do with their careers. But, in the end, I’m glad I went. It was as though no time had passed at all. Sitting in SOTB, it could have been any random Saturday afternoon in law school. When the time came to leave, it felt like we should have been heading back to the library or our respective homes within the 3 mile radius. It did not feel like I should be leaving the comfort of the familiar haunts and the support of some of my closest friends. So, in the end, I’m very very glad I went.
It was refreshing to be there and be reminded of who I am and how far we have all come to make it to this place in our lives. Every day I struggle to be happy and find contentment with my situation. With good news about my sexy man’s boat (it should be here in 2wks!!), I’m trying really hard to think of life as an adventure, because that’s what I truly believe it is!!! It’s just really easy to get caught up and forget that this is all really just a blip on the radar, that there is so much else going on and that, in the grand scheme, this thing called life is just sort of a big game that we all play. Perspective.
Oy. I don’t know if I have 30 more days of this pollyanna attitude left in me… 
A 160k job? Man, I have been out 5 years and I still do not make anywhere near that.
By: J on April 15, 2008
at 7:37 am
Good for you, not avoiding the law school buddies. I still struggle with hanging out with those who have passed. I’m trying to keep things in perspective too and keeping up my pollyanna attitude is tough at times but hang in there.
By: measuringlife on April 15, 2008
at 11:44 am
Well spoken girl!
I especially loved this… “in the grand scheme, this thing called life is just sort of a big game that we all play”.
So freekin’ true.
By: desireenb on April 16, 2008
at 9:08 pm
I think everyone had to post the 30-day notice on their blogs today. It is comforting to know that it’s not just me who struggles with seeing friends who passed (when I didn’t) and who make the 6-figure jobs. But then I realize how they have been so supportive of me and have been proud of my courage for trying again. It makes it easier.
And I also had a break-down moment, but mine was at a charity meeting where we make blankets for poor children and wounded soldiers. You’ve never seen so many church women weirded out.
But we did it before, and we can do it again. Prayerfully, pleadingly, hopefully it’s the LAST time.
By: Barbara on April 16, 2008
at 9:18 pm